whole foods vs home depot (aka vague hysteria)

writer x delivered the pilot yesterday. how many weeks late? let me check. ok the producer’s draft was due on april 30th… let’s call it ten. two and a half months. forty-six days (give or take, excluding weekends. ’cause who works on weekends, right?) 1104 hours. 66,240 minutes. 3,974,400 seconds. 3,974,000,000 nanoseconds. i could take it down to yoctoseconds but i was a comp. lit. major so big numbers make me nervous.

the combination of relief and vague hysteria i feel today is urging me towards a trip to home depot to buy a refrigerator, maybe two. one to hold all of the fermented pickles on the planet living in the pantry (except for the ones in the harsch crock which will be an ongoing experiment) and another for the eventual baby cheesus because the delivery of the draft does not necessarily obviate the possibility that i will some day soon be selling pickles and cheese at one farmer’s market or another to supplement my welfare check.

breathing deeply. it’s all good.

i am inveigling frank to accompany me on this whole foods/home depot boondoggle because my latest project is an all-rye sourdough starter. let me start from the beginning.

last week sandor ellix katz’s new book the art of fermentation:  an in-depth exploration of essential concepts and processes from around the world arrived. i am in love with this book. it covers the history of fermentation from acidophilous to zymase and is massively informative, entertaining and cool. kombucha-fiber garments anyone? (i draw the line at breeding kombuchas although i do like to drink their excretions. the one time i grew a kombucha colony i had nightmares for weeks that it would crawl from the fridge and gloop around the house and consume the dog and then me. this was pre-frank. and you need to wear gloves to handle it. frightening.) i love this book so much that i took it into the bath to read one night and the inevitable happened. now sandor’s book lives in the freezer in a ziplock bag – one technique for saving a waterlogged book. so i haven’t had access to it.

i’m sure sandor has essential information on culturing grains but i had to resort to the internet (who doesn’t?) when frank opined that although he is fearsomely wheat-intolerent, a little rye sourdough might not kill him and would be the perfect adjunct to our frequent germanic meals, i leapt into action. i came upon a blog called wild yeast written by a lovely woman named susan and have very sketchily followed her instructions and advice. i have two all-rye cultures going (they won’t be starters – i.e. ready to actually rise a bread for some time) but they are bubbling away merrily. the main thing is that you have to feed the fizzy  little suckers every 12 hours to keep the bacteria and yeast satiated. i am out of rye flour so off to whole foods and home depot we go.

frozen book. and gluten-free waffles.

frozen book. and gluten-free waffles.


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